Old Feelings

Many of you who know me don't know that I struggled with bulimia in my teens.  It is such a destructive disease and has taken many lives.  I look back and I don't understand how I got to that point or why.  I just remember strong feelings inside that made it impossible to ignore the scale and using it as my self image meter. 

This week has been a most difficult one.  My son, Tim, started school on Monday and the bus arrives at 6AM which means I must be up at 4:30 AM. In the Digest Diet, Liz states how important sleep is to weight loss.  It is a natural fat releaser and when you don't get it, it can change your whole body.  Well, this week I gained 2 pounds and I wondered how as I stood on the scale.  I remember feeling the way I did when I was 19 when I turned to laxatives and excessive exercise (5 hours daily) to lose weight.  I felt lost and hopeless.  I looked at the scale and wanted to shout, "I've done everything right!  Why are you punishing me?"

I struggled whether to post this information, but I thought perhaps some of you may have dealt or are dealing with this horrible disease.  Yes, even though once you are cured, the feelings can still exist, but I want you to know those feelings cannot own you if you don't let them.  This morning when I weighed myself, my husband could see the look on my face as I struggled with the tears.  I was honest with him and let him know what I was feeling inside...the fear of the past creeping up, the feeling of losing control (which you do lose when you struggle with eating disorders).  And he did for me what he has done for me during our whole marriage.  He held me, reminded me how much he loves me and encouraged me by telling me no matter what size I am, he will always be here and will always love me.

I cannot stress enough how important a support system is during weight loss. Lean on your family, your friends, people walking down that same path.  In this eventually you will be able to reach out to others and become their support systems.   If a kind doctor hadn't intervened when I was 19 and revealed to me the destructive way I was living, if he hadn't reached out to me, perhaps I would not be here.  Dr. Ricci, you saved my life!

Don't let your drive to lose weight take control of you or how you feel.  Embrace each day as a new, stay strong and positive, and live each day to the fullest!

Groceries and other stuff

As I was walking this morning I was thinking about how much money we spend on groceries now.  Before I would spend $600.00 a month for a family of 5, but now it's really close to $800.00 and it makes me wonder, "Why does it cost so much to eat healthy?"  Every health conscious official in our government states they want to see America healthy and obesity rates drop. So why can't prices be lowered on healthier foods.  Before I began this diet, my pantry and frig would be stocked full of easy to cook processed foods.  Now it's not because I want my family to have healthier options and we PAY for it.  We are trying to supplement costs by using our garden which hasn't given us much, but some fresh produce.  And then there are healthier meats, lower in fats.  All of them cost MORE and I wonder why?  I am sure there must be some genius answer out there full of financial facts, I just wish eating healthy was easier financially.  I am not saying I am giving up in any way shape or form, because I like the way things are going.  I love how I feel and to my family and me, if spending more  will keep me around a little longer, then we budget to spend more. Besides what is the old saying, "If mama ain't happy nobody's is happy?"  And mommy is very happy right now, feeling awesome, so that means peace reigns in the Hancock Household.

Anyway, this evening I tried a new DD recipe. All I can say is YUM! It's on page 205 of the DD Cookbook and it is called Grilled Pork & Pear Salad with Walnuts.  Mine didn't look as nice as the picture in the book, but it must taste the same because I was in HEAVEN!  Pears, walnuts, baby spinach and baby arugula.  The dressing was to die for and I encourage you all to try it if you get a chance.

My Stretchy Pants

For years I have worn the same pair of black stretchy pants.  I hate, hate, hate shopping for clothes.  One because to be honest it was hard to find clothes in my size.  A few short months ago I was in a 5X. Really, truly, a 5X.  The only clothes that existed for me were big flowered shirts.  You know the ones I am describing. Those big bold colors that show off every detail of your not so curvy curves.  It was like wearing bright colored billboard signs.  And then the pants.  Don't get me started on those pants!  If they weren't stretchy, they weren't fitting me, hence my stretchy pants and always in black because hello, black is slimming.  Well I still own those pants and I wear them to bed or walk with them (I have to pull them under and over the strap of my fanny pack).  The other day I finally came to the conclusion that my "stretchy" pants must go. I was going on my daily walk and thought that my shoe laces were untied.  No that was my pants under my shoes and my fanny pack lost its ability to keep them in place.  Probably not a good thing to lose my pants in the middle of a walk.  So in homage of my lovely stretchy pants I present you with the following pictures.  If you want to, please sing "Memories" as you view them.

                                                         Goodbye Dear Stretchy Pants

                       They used to fit me so well that they would leave elastic marks on my waste

                      I can now wear them over my chest!  New outfit for late night shopping?

                 Now my "skinny" jeans have become my baggy jeans.  Almost shopping time!

I thought I was going to be buried in those pants and now I am going to bury them.  The only problem I have now is that the only pants I have to wear are jeans!  I am not ready to go shopping yet because it still depresses me.  So I am going to enjoy my baggy jeans until they join the ranks of my stretchy pants and then look out, a shopping I will go!

The Holiday

Boy oh Boy, July 4th weekend, filled with food, fun, sun, family and friends.  Did I mention the food???  Now I don't know about you on a diet, but before DD I cringed over the thought of going to a party for fear I would over indulge, or I would have the mentality that, "hey, it's a party! Go ahead and over indulge!"  This time I didn't want to set myself up to fail, so for the first party (yes, the 1st party) I made the Digest Diet's Mexican Cobb Salad.  (I have to admit, I did cheat.  I had a hotdog and I paid dearly for that choice.  My stomach wasn't used to food like that so I was up with stomach cramps.)  The second party I learned my lesson (it was my sister-in-law's 11th anniversary of her 29th birthday - Happy Birthday Stacey!).  I made the Old School Spinach Salad and I pretty much chose  that along with fruit and other vegetable based salads that I could enjoy.  Over that weekend I lost 6 ounces!  It may have been more if I had the opportunity to walk, which I did not. It was a very busy weekend and I also blame that hotdog (a loss is a loss and I am proud of it).  If I had not been up with cramps I would have had the strength to walk (never again will I give in to temptation).

Here I am on the 10th of July and I am 56 pounds down!  Started walking again this week...no more parties - though I don't fear them anymore.  I know what to do.  I take what I can eat and I can still enjoy some of the healthier options at the table.  I mean who doesn't bring a veggie tray to a party? When I was a "professional dieter" I would bring the fruit or veggies just to feel better about all the junk I knew I was going to consume. For some reason I thought the good food would balance out the "bad" food.  Don't you believe it.  I find I don't even crave that food anymore thanks to DD's program.  My body has all it needs in nutrients and the food is great!  I mean great!  I hope this encourages you!  DD is not just a diet for me but a new way of living. If you have tried it I would love to hear from you and find out how it's going.  Your story could encourage others too!

Exercise

I am asked often, "when do you exercise?"  Being a mom of three beautiful children keeps me on my toes.  My middle child Timothy, who has Down Syndrome and goes to school in Baltimore, needs to be up early for his bus that arrives around 6:40 in the morning.  So I wake up at 5 A.M. for devotions,  go to the kitchen where my wonderful 19 year old daughter helps me get Tim prepared for the day (love her...she is such a helpful young lady), breakfast is made (I often have a shake or the Creamy Quinoa-page 159 of the Digest Diet book - both are very quick for moms on the run), and then after his breakfast is complete we are pushing him out the door. There is basically not a real summer here since Timmy is in an eleven month program for school, so it is always go, go and go around here.  Once Tim is on the bus, I take my ever eager dog Gracie for a 1.50 mile walk, sometimes 3 depending on the heat and humidity.  My youngest son, Kameron, always wants to go with me, but this is my quiet time.  I listen to my music, I talk with God and sometimes I talk to myself. In the beginning of the program I found that I really wasn't motivated to exercise as much.  Now I find it essential, not just for losing the weight, but for energy to get through the day.  Without that first walk I find that I feel kinda "blah" for the rest of the day.  In the evening I work out about 15 min. and most of my exercise is done in bed.  Now before you leave comments congratulating my husband, I will let you know he's mostly asleep at this time.  He works evenings.  I concentrate on leg lifts, sit-ups and crunches.  At this point in my life, being on the floor is difficult.  I mean I can get there, but getting back up...well that's a whole different adventure. 

So why am I posting this?  If I can exercise and fit it into my schedule, so can you! You don't have to join a gym if you don't want to or run marathons. You just have to get moving.  And moving works...I am now down 54 pounds!