Old Feelings

Many of you who know me don't know that I struggled with bulimia in my teens.  It is such a destructive disease and has taken many lives.  I look back and I don't understand how I got to that point or why.  I just remember strong feelings inside that made it impossible to ignore the scale and using it as my self image meter. 

This week has been a most difficult one.  My son, Tim, started school on Monday and the bus arrives at 6AM which means I must be up at 4:30 AM. In the Digest Diet, Liz states how important sleep is to weight loss.  It is a natural fat releaser and when you don't get it, it can change your whole body.  Well, this week I gained 2 pounds and I wondered how as I stood on the scale.  I remember feeling the way I did when I was 19 when I turned to laxatives and excessive exercise (5 hours daily) to lose weight.  I felt lost and hopeless.  I looked at the scale and wanted to shout, "I've done everything right!  Why are you punishing me?"

I struggled whether to post this information, but I thought perhaps some of you may have dealt or are dealing with this horrible disease.  Yes, even though once you are cured, the feelings can still exist, but I want you to know those feelings cannot own you if you don't let them.  This morning when I weighed myself, my husband could see the look on my face as I struggled with the tears.  I was honest with him and let him know what I was feeling inside...the fear of the past creeping up, the feeling of losing control (which you do lose when you struggle with eating disorders).  And he did for me what he has done for me during our whole marriage.  He held me, reminded me how much he loves me and encouraged me by telling me no matter what size I am, he will always be here and will always love me.

I cannot stress enough how important a support system is during weight loss. Lean on your family, your friends, people walking down that same path.  In this eventually you will be able to reach out to others and become their support systems.   If a kind doctor hadn't intervened when I was 19 and revealed to me the destructive way I was living, if he hadn't reached out to me, perhaps I would not be here.  Dr. Ricci, you saved my life!

Don't let your drive to lose weight take control of you or how you feel.  Embrace each day as a new, stay strong and positive, and live each day to the fullest!